Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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