we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
