When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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