She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
