Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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