Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
