I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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