dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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