Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
