you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
