haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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