Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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