it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
