I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize