that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
