Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
