i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They have beer where we have blood.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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