I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
