just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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