Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
