im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
