you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
