they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize