besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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