One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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