oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
