fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
