Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
