You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
