I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
