Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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