It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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