Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
