I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
