I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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