Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
