this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
