I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
