And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize