We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
