she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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