I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
