either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This house was built for laser tag.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
