dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
