I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
