I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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