Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
