I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize