Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
