Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
