if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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