i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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