just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
