Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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