I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
