took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
