glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you never un-have a 4some
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
