I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
