I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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