Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
