Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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