At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
