worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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