That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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