Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize