Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
