With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
