It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
