I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Panties = found
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize