Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
