Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
