I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
