Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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