I cannot find my penis.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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