Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
