I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
