This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
