I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize