my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think i have two assholes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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