btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
