It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
