stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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