can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
