I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
