I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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