So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
