This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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