Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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