The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
