Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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