You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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