Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
