I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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