Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
