Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
