I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
