So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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