he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
