My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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