so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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