jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
