He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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